My mother taught me a version of this her family picked and sang when she was a child. It is much less bawdy than the old Irish version. I think Pete Segar did a version very close to this one.

I came home the other night, drunk as I could be.
Found a horse in the stable, where my horse ought to be.
I said come here my little wifey and explain this thing to me.
Why's there a horse in the stable, where my horse ought to be?

She said.
You blind fool, you crazy fool, can't you never see?
Nothing but a milk cow your granny gave to me.

And I said.
I've traveled this whole world over, a thousand times or more,
Saddle upon a milk cow I never did see before.

I came home the other night, drunk as I could be.
Found a coat on the coat rack, where my coat ought to be.
I said come here my little wifey and explain this thing to me.
Why's there a coat on the coat rack, where my coat ought to be?

She said.
You blind fool, you crazy fool, can't you never see?
Nothing but a bed quilt your granny gave to me.

And I said.
I've traveled this whole world over, a thousand times or more,
Pockets upon a bed quilt I never did see before.

I came home the other night, drunk as I could be.
Found a head on the pillow, where my head ought to be.
I said come here my little wifey and explain this thing to me.
Why's there a head on the pillow, where my head ought to be?

She said.
You blind fool, you crazy fool, can't you never see?
Nothing but a cabbage head your granny gave to me.

And I said.
I've traveled this whole world over, a thousand times or more,
Mustache on a cabbage head I never did see before.