Marvellous! thank you, I knew you¡¦d all turn up trumps. :) Funny, cos ALL these ideas have crossed my mind during the last day! So it¡¦s been really helpful to entertain them coming from others. And have to admit, at times I¡¦ve felt enraged enough to be sorely tempted to carry out some of the more extreme/lethal/bonkers ideas. But ¡V I value my freedom too highly (plus I¡¦m a big softie when it comes to it).

To respond to some of the questions:

We don¡¦t have a dog, nor access to one. Neither would I want to chain up any poor beast in my tiny front¡Kerrr¡K.bit (to call it a garden is actually quite laughable - it measures roughly 3ft by 15 ft).

I could call the police, but without a photo or his address, there¡¦s nothing they can or will do. They¡¦ll just spend an hour writing it all down and then telling me to try to catch him at it without endangering myself, before ringing them. And I know all that already.

Even though my lodger could potentially identify him, we can¡¦t report him/take him to court cos we have no idea where he lives.

I¡¦d prefer to avoid wasting money (that¡¦s probably more than the cost of the whole pile) on a sensor for just one petty thief. And then it also may give the impression to others that I might have something REALLY valuable to steal (inside the house)¡K

Cheaper and easier is the tarp-n-chain idea. But mean old me still resents having to spend out even on that!

I have neither axe nor chainsaw (so awww, shame, no massacre). I buy in the logs as logs.

No, I¡¦m not the kind of gal that hangs guns and crossbows on my walls - I¡¦m a paid-up ageing hippie, goddammit! ƒº And I think it¡¦s probably in fact illegal to own one in the UK?

The ideas that I¡¦ve seriously considered are:

1. those involving negotiation (thanks Guest, hg¡¦s and Bee-dub) ¡V name and shame (and I agree, he probably does have the attitude that my logs are fair game). BUT these assume that I know where he lives. And to find that out (I¡¦ve thought this through), I¡¦d have to either lurk behind my front curtain in a darkened room (boring and cold) or in my car (even boringer and colder) for hours waiting for him to come back (and he might not), then somehow creep out of the house really fast and quietly, and follow him home without being seen. Might be exciting though.

2. the noticeboard ones (my lodger and I fantasised about a sign saying ¡§Do it again and we break yer legs¡¨). But I suspect he¡¦d just move it aside and carry on pilfering.

3. Even quite like the ones involving irritating (not lethal) substances. But I fear the current rain and damp would render them useless in hours.

Stilly River ¡V you are SO spot on! that is the sensible sane no-cost solution, and exactly what I should do. And if he persists, I¡¦ll probably end up moving the whole lot through the house to the back garden. But I hesitate because it took me 3 hours to move the whole pile in the first place, just the few feet from the pavement to where it is now, and I was exhausted and in a bit of pain after (I have bad knees). I¡¦d probably have to ask someone to do it for me.

So ¡V plan A, which I carried out this afternoon, was to wrap the front of the tarp round a heavy object, chain my bike across the front, and wedge a dustbin in front of that. And so far today he hasn¡¦t come back (touch wood). Plan B will be moving the logpile, but I hope it won¡¦t come to that.

I¡¦ll keep you informed¡K.