My worst time of year for accountability, what with all them mince pies and things. Missus Claus says I should eat the carrots the kiddies put out for Rudolph and the others, but frankly, I needs the sugar energy, and that sherry keeps out the cold. Not that I wouldn't like a nice malt whisky every now and then, but it plays havoc with me bells and I has to have a whizz about halfway round. Don't tell Sweden, they think it's enviromentally caused acid rain. And don't even ask what all them carrots do to Donder and Blitzen.

As for decluttering, well, it's the best time for that! We can get rid of all those toys and things from the workshop, including that ridiculous flamingo in sunnies and the pile of mini-nuns. It's amazing the tat some folks'll ask for for christmas. And who the heck asks for a fake log that smells of pee and a pepper spray? Some Viking bloke has even been asking for snow! I had a word with Jack Frost, but his sat-nav has been giving him trouble and he may have gone left instead of right at Denmark.

Well, better get going, the elves are looking shifty again, have been all week. The Forelf went on a scouting mission last Friday to Europe. We're trying to be green so he went by train instead of taking the sleigh. He says he's still stuck on the train but for 2 days? I reckon he found a floozy in France. Trouble is, till he gets back, I won't get my list finished. Ho ho ho.

Santa