I got this from a recent Portland song circle (which I was not able to attend). DK who wrote the parody, but some of us can probably relate:


12 DAYS HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
 
On the 1st day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"You've no decent clothes to wear."
 
On the 2nd day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"You've put on some weight,* and you've no decent clothes to wear."
 
On the 3rd day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"You should get a job ..."
 
On the 4th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"You should visit Grandma ..."
 
On the 5th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"No boyfriend yet? ..."
 
On the 6th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"You've been smoking marijuana ..."
 
On the 7th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"What's that in your suitcase? ..."
 
On the 8th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"Are you still on food stamps? ..."
 
On the 9th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"Sally's getting married ..."
 
On the 10th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"Esther has two children ..."
 
On the 11th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"Your life is a disaster! ..."
 
On the 12th day home for Christmas, my mother said to me:  
"We will always love you ..."


*I would change this line to "You're way too skinny." That's more in line with what a Jewish (or Italian or Greek, etc.) mother would say.