And THAT, Bee-Dubya, is why your life is unfulfilled and incomplete, why you break into tears when you think of your wretched existence. Come. Join us. Do not be afraid. Regain your smiling, happy, youthful outlook between the Bannock and the Pocatello Ranges, where the Portneuf River flows gurgling into the Snake River, which flows through Idaho into Hell's Canyon and eventually into the Columbia and the sea.

Yes, you COULD put your kayak in here and paddle to Portland and the Pacific, to Papeete and Pagopago and beyond.