This was collected from the wonderfully named Suffolk singer Alien Stollery by, probably, John Howson - though I'm open to correction. I once sang it, and a friend of mine who is a Primary School teacher immediately wanted it for her class who apparently loved it - so it's probably suitable.

My thoughts today are far away beneath the deep blue sea
Where people swing on scaffold poles as happy as can be,
Where elephants skate on silver ponds and work at Retford Fair.
So if you'd like to please me you can sing this chorus here:
CHO. Hy me rinkum cokum candy rip tay Johnny with a rum tum day
Hoker flip flap jump Jim Dandy rang hi Shanghi shum tum alay.

I have a pair of trouser sleeves they are bright navy red.
I button my eyebrows under my feet, pull my boots on over my head.
And if you look at the whites of my eyes, they're speckled green and brown -
But that's because I always put my teeth in upside down.

For my tea I often like to dine on sawdust pies
Followed up with guinea pigs' eggs and periwinkles' eyes.
And when I've done I always clean my teeth with charcoal jam -
Which only goes to show you all what king of bloke I am.

I'm suffering from a gumboil that's half way up my shin.
To make myself look tall I curl my teeth with a rolling pin.
I sleep on our best feather bed that's made of sandstone board;
But I only sleep when I'm awake to mahe sure I've not snored.

She left me in the river at the corner of the street.
I sang hello in different keys and yodelled through my feet.
How often I forget to think of her across the main
And wonder if she's taught the cat to whistle this refrain:


As with all nonsense songs the object is to sing it as fast as possible!