A reporter from the overseas department of the UPI just emailed me to say he had a midnight visitation from Chongo, furious about the reports of his demise and threatening to bite the face off of anyone who forwarded them. It is possible the reports were exaggerated, an honest error I am sure that can only be attributed to the fog of war. The reporter tried to tell his phantasm visitor to fuck off, but the spectre rejoined by biting a gash in his forearm for which he has now been hospitalized.

More breaking news on this scandalous story as it is becomes known. Is Chongo actually alive? Was he blown clear of the culvert? Did he spend three frozen nights and days limping over the cruel plains of Afghanistan making his way back to the Green Zone, his shoes in ribbons and his fingers thick with frostbite?

Tune in next week.