I had the great good fortune to see a dynamite public performance by the great Soho street singer, Howling Eddie Cranshaw last weekend, and he did this song, one of the finer protest songs I've ever heard, because it has such a universal appeal. After all, who can put up with scum? Who, I ask you? Most people simply can't bear scum. I can't tolerate them! Can anyone? Howling Eddie nails scum appropriately to the wall (and that's not easy!) in this inspired and subtly understated lyric:

Scum are Scum! ( a mild protest song)

I play in all the street fairs
I fiddle and I hum
With my gitbox and fiddle
Which clearly pleases some
It pleases all the old folk
And it pleases homeless bums
But the ones it doesn't please
Are the fecking, bloody scum!

Because scum are only scum
They're ugly and they're daft
They know they're only scum
Without artistic craft
They're rotten stinking bleeders
Who all should get the shaft!
Yes, scum are rotten scum
They're rotten fecking scum
Let's sink them in the Channel
And provide no bloody raft!

Scum are fecking losers
Scum are stupid sods
If I could get me hands on them
I'd give 'em all the rod
I'd punch their ugly faces
I'd call 'em nasty names
I'd tell 'em all to go to hell
I'd set 'em all aflame

Because scum are only scum
They're ugly and they're daft
They know they're only scum
Without artistic craft
They're rotten stinking bleeders
Who all should get the shaft!
Yes, scum are rotten scum
They're rotten fecking scum
Let's sink them in the Channel
And provide no bloody raft!

Scum are stupid useless gits
Scum are bloody fools
They stand on other people's toes
They break Queensbury's rules
They will not share a bit of bread
They don't respect the poor
They eat in fancy restaurants
And act like bloody boors

Because scum are only scum
They're ugly and they're daft
They know they're only scum
Without artistic craft
They're rotten stinking bleeders
Who all should get the shaft!
Yes, scum are rotten scum
They're rotten fecking scum
Let's sink them in the Channel
And provide no bloody raft!

Don't dare to come around near me
If you're a bleedin' scum
For if you do I'll take my shoe
And plant it in your bum!
You might think that I'm helpless
You'll find I'm bloody not!
I'll box your ears and black your eyes
You rotten scummy sot!

Because scum are only scum
They're ugly and they're daft
They know they're only scum
Without artistic craft
They're rotten stinking bleeders
Who all should get the shaft!
Yes, scum are rotten scum
They're rotten fecking scum
Let's sink them in the Channel
And provide no bloody raft!

I wish these rotten scum would die
And leave good folks alone
They poison every public place
'Cause they're got hearts of stone
Their lifestyle is contemptible
Their manners are obscene
They've all got little beady eyes
And their tongues are coated green!

Yes, scum are only scum
They're ugly and they're daft
They know they're only scum
Without artistic craft
They're rotten stinking bleeders
Who all should get the shaft!
Yes, scum are rotten scum
They're rotten fecking scum
Let's sink them in the Channel
And provide no bloody raft!

Howling Eddie Cranshaw, Folkways of East Anglia 2009