It was dress rehearsal night just before the gala first concert of the orchestra's world tour. The conductor raised his baton, fell over in a dead faint and was rushed away to the hospital. As the stunned musicians sat there, the manager said, "Unless one of you can conduct tomorrow, we're ruined and will have to cancel the tour."

The first violist said, "I studied conducting in school if that will help." He took over the rehearsal and went on to conduct the gala concert to the acclaim of the critics and audience. The orchestra left on its tour and received rave reviews where ever it went.

Six weeks later, the conductor had recuperated and rejoined the orchestra. His first act was to stand on the podium and ask the entire orchestra to applaud the violist who had saved the day. He then asked the violist to take his original chair. As the violist sat down, the second violist next to him turned and said, "Where the hell have you been?!"

LTS, via another Roger, this one is a part time penguin....