When I first came to England, I remember seeing scallops on the menu in a chippie. I was delighted - I love a scallop, me. My delight diminished rapidly when it became apparent that I had not ordered deep-fried shellfish, but a deep-fried slice of potato. I think that was the last time I ever had one.

PS: red sauce is an abomination. Daddies all the way!