Jim did an excellent job of transcribing by ear, but here is a transcription of the printed text.
-Joe-

THE VICAR AND I WILL BE THERE
(Clifford Grey and Nat D. Ayer)

Dear friends, I'm the curate of Slushford-on-Creek.
My name is the Reverend Septimus Meek,
The Vicar and I work so hard as a rule.
To-day there's a meeting at our Infant School,
  And the Vicar and I will be there,
  For we are an industrious pair.
The mothers of course at the meeting will be.
At twenty past two they'll be handing out tea,
And a silver collection is taken at three,
  So the Vicar and I will be there.

I'm awfully sorry for poor Mrs. Jones.
They say she has terrible pains in her bones.
She lives all alone and she suffers, I fear,
But to-morrow some friends will be calling, I hear.
  And the Vicar and I will be there,
  For we are an industrious pair.
They will bring her much joy, she'll forget all her pain.
With flowers and fruit she'll be quite well again,
And the Squire is sending a crate of champagne,
  So the Vicar and I will be there.

Katherine Perkins is our village belle.
I fear me alas — still no matter — ah, well—
But let us rejoice, for this maiden serene
Will be married to-morrow to Samuel Green,
  And the Vicar and I will be there,
  For we are an industrious pair.
The bride will look sweet as she walks down the floor,
But still in the throng - though the fact she'll ignore,
Will be several fellows who've kissed her before,
  And the Vicar and I will be there.

The Town Hall next week we have taken, you see.
We are giving the wounded some afternoon tea.
And Lady Fitzgargle — you've heard her before—
Is giving us music from three until four,
  And the Vicar and I will be there,
  For we are an industrious pair.
She means very well, but she's hardly a Star,
And soon as she sings and they hear her afar,
Quite a lot of those boys will retreat to the bar,
  And the Vicar and I will be there.

Words by Clifford Grey
Music by Nat D. Ayer
(1919)

Source: Best Music Hall and Variety Songs, edited by Peter Gammond (1972), pp 144-145

Midi available on request.


What did he almost say about the lovely Katherine?