You lot need "The fish song"

I was a cook
and she was a waitress
Down at the Salty Sam Seafood Café
and somewhere 'tween the clam juice and the seaweed salad
some little shrimp just lured her away

Oh, I lobster and never flounder
He wrapped his line around her
and they drove off in his carp
Oh, I lobster and never flounder
I octopus his face in
Eel only break her heart

I said, "Just squid and leave me
for that piano tuna
if you want to trout something new"
She was the bass I ever had
Now my life has no porpoise
Oh my cod, I love her, yes, I do

Oh, I lobster and never flounder
He wrapped his line around her
and they drove off in his carp
Oh, I lobster and never flounder
I octopus his face in
Eel only break her heart

(Spoken:)
"Boy, I swordfish she'd come back to me, Sandy. I shore'd a whale of a time." "Now, Richard, you know she'd just pull that 'Not tonight, I've got a haddock' routine." "You're probably right. But y'know, I've kelped her picture in my walleye just for the halibut. I wonder if she's still got mine in her perch?" "Did you..you say 'perch'?" "Yeah, I'm afraid so." "That's good. For a moment there, I thought I was losing my herring." (audience groans) "Well, we bass squid all this seahorsing around before these people out here go into a state of shark." "Yeah, if we get out of here alive, it's going to be a...mackerel." "Frankly scallop, I don't give a clam."

Cheers, Rowan