The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #126555   Message #2831443
Posted By: LilyFestre
06-Feb-10 - 12:19 PM
Thread Name: on to Life!
Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
It's not that it's harder because it's *MY* problem....I think it must be hard for everyone.
I met the author of Eco-Village (written by a woman who lives at the Eco-Village in Ithaca and helped to get it started) and she talked about community and the strength of the women in particular. There was one woman who was diagnosed with cancer and she was not going to get better. She still did all the treatments necessary to prolong her life, including chemo. I don't recall if she did this before or after her treatments started, but the entire village came together while this woman sat on the ground, on a tapestry cloth, and had her head shaved with all the people surrounding her....she didn't cry but kinda of embraced it.

I don't know why I remember that (as I don't remember much else of what she said) but it has stuck with me.

And yes, I do come from a family of VERY STRONG women on both sides. They all earned their strength in their own ways, as we all do. What can I say? Because they are strong I am too? I don't know that it works that way. I'm doing my best. I don't feel strong at all. I feel clingy, scared, sometimes confident and not myself at all.

I did not try on the wigs. Opening the boxes to look at each wig felt like I was opening a coffin of a dead animal. I did try on the hats. All I can tell you is that it's NOT pretty.

SCREW THE HAIR!! I AM GOING TO BE HEALTHY! I AM GOING TO BE CANCER FREE and if I have to sob every fucking time I look at the wigs, then so be it. I AM GOING TO BE HEALTHY AND CANCER FREE!

And *THAT* is what I have to keep telling myself and keep my focus on.