Polly

Come all you young fellows,
Who like to play with a gun,
Don't get trigger happy,
By the light of the moon.

Young Willy went a fowling,
After a skinful of beer
When he shot into some bushes
Thinking a swan was in there

He swore he'd seen a flash of white,
And a rustling he heard,
And he gave it both barrels,
Thinking to bag that bird.

You should have heard the language,
So blue it turned the air,
As out shot his darling Polly,
Clutching her derriere

Oh, Willy, you stupid Willy
See what you have done,
And look where you have shot me
Do I look like a bleeding swan?

I was answering a call of nature,
My business was complete,
But when I bent down to pull up my knickers,
And you got me in both cheeks!

Oh, Polly, dearest Polly,
It's oh so easily
To take your bumcheeks in the moonlight
A swan's wings for to be.

Oh, you silly billy, Willy
Get thee now hence with great speed
An appointment with specsavers,
For new glasses that you need,

Swans don't lurk around in bushes,
But swan around majestically
Trying to scrounge your sandwiches
That's more of a swan thing, you see

The number of times I've told you,
That gun would bring us grief and pain,
You could have taken up the melodeon,
Or danced with the Morris team.

Just wait until I get you home,
Your voice will surely be,
A full two octaves higher,
When I am done with thee.

We were to the church to have gone,
But how can we do it with style
With a backside full of pellets
Walking down the aisle

Sadly I must stay at home,
Because of you, you stupid berk,
With some tweezers and a mirror,
Undoing your handiwork.