In Australia we have an irrepressibly conservative politician named Tony Abbott who recently gave advice to his daughters that their virginity is the most precious gift they could give to a man.

A Sydney folksinger, Cathy Rytmeister, performed this song she wrote about Tony the other night at the James Craig Shanty session. It has become an instant hit, and is here recorded for posterity (or for posteriors, post-hysteria but definitely not posthumously).

The tune is Eric Bogle's And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda
The Tony Abbott Song

^^
PRECIOUS GIFT (The Tony Abbott Song)
(Cathy Rytmeister February 2010)

When I was a young girl, pure and whole
I lived the clean life of a virgin
I had no idea that my precious gift
Was important to some politicians.
So when I turned 18 and the boy up the road
Said hey, how about it? I didn't say "no".
But dear Tony Abbott, if only I'd known
I'd have waited at least one more fortnight.

For I was now bereft of true value
By choosing a life full of sin
My precious gift gone, just a memory in song
All I've left is the box it came in.

And well I remember relief on those days
That my blood stained the sheets and the blankets
I took many risks but was mostly OK
I look back and for that I'm most thankful.
But I wonder, if only I'd kept meself nice,
Wore lippy and heels and played sugar and spice –
I'd have landed a man who'd have treated me right –
Someone just like that hypocrite Tony.

For I was now bereft of true value
By choosing a life full of sin
My precious gift gone, just a memory in song
All I've left is the box it came in.

I grew older and wiser and carried a pack-
et of three, just in case I got lucky
And I did pretty well, despite no advice
From Abbott or Andrews or Tuckey.
Johnny Turk he was ready, he'd primed himself well,
But that wasn't enough, I had Tommy as well
And Paddy, and Jock, and Pierre and Manuel
I had a right multicultural party.

With my precious gift thoroughly squandered
I still somehow managed with men
I swore and I drank and I danced and I skanked
While the band played Wild Rover Again.

Now I've settled down, with a rather good bloke,
Who with second-hand gifts seems delighted.
And I've a daughter myself, of that age when you might
Give advice, about life to enlighten.
I've told her to give what she wishes and when
To respect herself and be respected by men
And above all before she is settled and wed
To make sure she gets plenty of practice.

For a woman is more than a hymen
She has much more to offer the world
And if Abbott can't see all that we wish to be
He can keep his advice to himself.

For I've filled my life with true value
By choosing to live it in sin
My precious gift gone, just a memory in song
But I've still got the box it came in!

Cathy Rytmeister February 2010