Ok, so I didn't post last night...I just was too tired. Here's how the last few days went:

On Sunday afternoon, Mom and I drove to the House of Care where we would be spending the night as I had an early morning appointment for blood work and the port on Monday. We had a bigger room than last time so that was nice! We were there for maybe an hour before we caught up with my new friend, T....the one I wrote about earlier last week. We sat and gabbed for a few hours and then Mom and I went to dinner. Chinese Buffet....all the crab legs and shrimp I could eat....YUM!!!! That was a BIG treat for me!!! When we got back to the house, T's boyfriend had built a lovely fire in the living room fireplace. He and a staff member moved one of the tables from the dining room area out in front of the fire and we played Mexican Train (dominoes) for a few hours...lots of laughter and great conversation....we had FUN!!!! The next day T would tell us that it was the best time she's had in a LONG time! It definitely was an evening to remember!!!!
    So...Monday morning rolled around and I cried, a lot. I was freaked out and scared, not wanting this tube thing in my neck. I was ok with the idea of the port but I still don't like the idea of an 8 inch plastic tube in my veins. At the breakfast table, T said she was happy for me. I was crying. I told her I wasn't happy about it. She said, well, is it okay if I'm happy for you? I know how much easier this is going to make it for you. I'm going to be happy for you. That made me stop and think.....and it made me feel something good although I can't put words to it.
   We drove over to the hospital and parked in the valet parking. My blood work was scheduled for 8:30 and I was half an hour early. They took me anyway. I cried through that, explaining about the port procedure that was to follow. The nurses there did their best to help me settle and reassure me that they do them all the time and how great it will be to not have to be poked all the time anymore.
    Next we walked to the outpatient radiology department where my procedure would be. It was a large room with lots of chairs and people waiting. I took a number and sat down....trying NOT to cry in front of all those people and failing miserably. There was a man sitting next to me in a wheelchair and he asked me why I was there and told me he had a port put in years ago and it was going to be ok. He cracked some jokes and helped get my mind off of what was coming up.
    They called my name early and Mom was allowed to go to the changing room and then to the pre-op room with me. I spent probably an hour or more in the pre-op room. They took my vitals, went over my current medications and started an IV of antibiotics as a precautionary measure. I cried the entire time. They sent in 2 different people to explain the procedure to me and everyone was very kind. I just was afraid. Scared. Wanting to run away and never look back. They got the IV in on the first try (I asked them to numb it first and they used a spray...didn't work for beans). Eventually I was walked down to the OR (I took a photo of it and returned the camera to my mom) and asked to lay down on a long, narrow bed...really more like a tray with a black vinyl cushion on it. There was a stepping stool to get up there as it was rather high. There also were arm rests along side of the bed, running parallel to the bed. I used those to grip tight. I was surprised that I could stay dressed except for my shirt. I had on the typical hospital gown, black pants and socks....how pretty. Anyway, they asked me to take only my right arm and shoulder out of the gown. Then, with my arms at my side, they used tape around my arm and over my breast, pushing it down hard (to create tight skin above my breast), ran the tape over my breast and around the other side, taping my hand to the armrest on the left. They did a criss cross with the tape. I wasn't going anywhere. The Dr. was late coming in but I did get to meet him and he was very nice as were all the nurses. I was to turn my head to the left and they draped me with a blue cloth. There was a metal bar near my head and they draped the fabric over that bar, leaving me a window of sorts so I could look out from under the cover. A nurse stood on that side the entire time. During the procedure, we talked about what kinds of animals we have and I'm sure we talked about something else but I have no idea what it was.   They gave me a shot of lidacaine in my neck...small needle but it took a long time for them to push the medicine in and that smarted. Meanwhile, they gave me something in my IV to help me relax but not sleep. I was totally awake for the entire procedure. Once the lidacaine was in, they made a nick in my neck. Then they gave me another shot of lidacaine in my chest. As far as I can tell, here's what I *THINK* happened. Once they had the nick cut in my neck, they threaded the 8 inch plastic tubing down through a vein, then they cut a 3 inch (across) pocket in my chest for the actual port and attached the tubing from there. It is my understanding that the port is sewn in place so it can't move around. There was a LOT of pushing, pulling, tapping and thumping. It did not hurt while they were doing it...it was uncomfortable and a few times I jumped because they thumped so hard....just a reflex I suppose.
    When they were finished, I had help to sit up and then I got off the table on my own, slipped on my shoes and walked down the hall to the changing room where Mom was waiting for me. I changed my clothes and wobbled down the hall....walking close to the walls as I really was kinda wobbly but I just wanted to GET OUT OF THE HOSPITAL.
    We went back to the House of Care where T was waiting anxiously for me. Apparently the surgery took a lot longer than normal as she had left a note in my room and was also waiting for me. We talked for about an hour and then Mom and I left (having packed the car before all my medical things) to go downstate to my Nana's. I hadn't seen her in months and she has been worried about me and asking to see me....I was wanting to see her too. Anyway, on Monday night, I was HURTING....not so much where the port went in but my neck....where all the tubing is....it HURT a LOT! I had a soft ice pack to put on it and had been instructed to take Tylenol, so I did. Early in the evening I said goodnight and went to bed. I was just wiped out. I crawled into bed and started to read and noticed all these little hairs falling into my book. Yep. My hair had started to fall out.
   Mom was sitting at the kitchen table and I went out to show her and fell apart. The port. The tubes. The IV. And now my hair falling out...it was too much for one day.
    The rest of the days have been better. I am badly bruised on my chest...about the size of my husband's fist. The bruising doesn't hurt, it's just ugly. The port area is tender and my neck/collarbone area is slowly feeling better. My hair continues to fall out in little clumps. It looks like I have white polka dots on my head. I have threatened to color them all different colors so they look like jelly beans! :)
    After 4 days away, I am finally home and so very happy to be here. I had a nice visit with my nana, aunt and uncle but there's no place like home, especially when you don't feel so great. I will say that Nana, Mom and I had some fun on Wednesday afternoon...I took all my wigs and we had ourselves a little wig party!!! FUN!!!! :)
    I'll be adding photos to the montage in a week or two and will post the link.

Love to all,

Michelle