NN,

"I don't think deep psychotherapy for me is going to resolve my loved one's issues."

I thought the problem lies in your response to the deception, i/e/ the panic attacks. Certainly you don't think that just changing your loved one will fix the problem you have with panic attacks. These kind of panic attacks are most definitely the fodder for psychotherapy. I suspect the deception requires a more decisive response on your part. The choices for responding must certainly be triggering your fears. Most people don't enjoy confronting others when issues must be examined worked out. Good luck.