Free Walter
by Mike Campbell 1996

Now Walter the King Crab was large as can be,
The king of all King Crab that lived in the sea,
Though his size was enormous, his brain it was not,
Which was probably why he got caught.
OOOOO
    Free Walter, Free Walter all the little crabs said,
    We love our dear king, though his brain might be dead,
    Free Walter, Free Walter they shouted with glee,
    Throw him back, throw him back in the sea.
    Throw him back in the sea.
   
Now to Walter's misfortune he happened to be,
Ensnared in a trap in the crab fishery,
When along came a boat and pulled up their crab-pot,
And brought Walter up to the top.
OOOOO
    Free Walter, Free Walter all the crewmen did say,
    Such a marvelous crab should go back in the bay,
    Free Walter, Free Walter they shouted with glee,
    Throw him back, throw him back in the sea.
    Throw him back in the sea.

Well Captain Sundeen, he was vicious and mean,
He decided that Walter was going to be steamed,
He would eat him for breakfast with orange juice and eggs,
Then munch all day long on his legs.
OOOOO
    Free Walter, Free Walter the ship's cook did beg,
    Don't smear him with tartar, don't nibble his legs,
    Free Walter, Free Walter they shouted with glee,
    Throw him back, throw him back in the sea.
    Throw him back in the sea.

So the Captain relented and to port they did go,
Where he sold poor old Walter to a circus side show,
They built him a tank so the people could peer,
At the giant sized crab they had here.
OOOOO
    Free Walter, Free Walter all the people did say,
    If you don't turn him loose we will all go away,
    Free Walter, Free Walter they shouted with glee,
    Throw him back, throw him back in the sea.
    Throw him back in the sea.

So they traded their King Crab for a three headed horse,
And Walter was shipped off to L.A., of course.
Where he starred in a movie of blood, sex and gore,
Made him six million dollars or more.
OOOOO
    Free Walter, Free Walter cried the S.P.C.A,
    You movie directors can't treat him that way,
    Free Walter, Free Walter they shouted with glee,
    Throw him back, throw him back in the sea.
    Throw him back in the sea.

Then a starlet confessed she was bearing his child,
And lawyers were hired and charges were filed,
And before even one of his weird eyes could blink,
Poor Walter was locked in the clink.
OOOOO
    Free Walter, Free Walter the angry mob yelled,
    That innocent crab don't belong in that cell,
    Free Walter, Free Walter they shouted with glee,
    Throw him back, throw him back in the sea.
    Throw him back in the sea.

His trial was followed both near and afar,
Followed by the Enquirer and the National Star,
And everyone watched it on cable TV.
To see what Walter's verdict would be.
OOOOO
    Free Walter, Free Walter cried a jury of peers,
    Then the courtroom went crazy and everyone cheered,
    Free Walter, Free Walter they shouted with glee,
    Throw him back, throw him back in the sea.
    Throw him back in the sea.

He rode to the airport in a black limousine,
His name had been cleared, his record was clean,
And he sipped some champagne as he waved to the crowd,
That cheered him and shouted out loud,
OOOOO
    Free Walter, Free Walter all the people did shout,
    This crab is our hero, its true, there's no doubt,
    Free Walter, Free Walter they shouted with glee,
    Throw him back, throw him back in the sea.
    Throw him back in the sea.

Then Walter he got on a big DC-10
Which flew him right back to his old home again,
And the Captain and crew were as glad as could be,
To throw Walter back in the sea.
OOOOO
    Free Walter, Free Walter sang the whole world with joy,
    Every man, every woman, each girl and each boy.
    Free Walter, Free Walter they shouted with glee,
    Throw him back, throw him back in the sea.
    Throw him back in the sea.