What would it cost you? Would you have to give up everything you have there, i.e. your home, your stuff, etc. OR, would it be a temporary thing to get her through another surgery? I cannot see dumping all that you love and where you have been for over 22 years for an indefinite amount of time, unless you really feel ready for that change. It sounds as though a move to a one level place would be better for her and, as Dan says, your going to help her with that could be a good thing. I am convinced that moving, after a certain age, can be very depressing and detrimental to one's health, esp., if one has to go to reduced circumstances as you've noted for your sister. It also sounds as though she is very social and as active as possible, i.e. NOT ready for an assisted living, one room situation and as you say they are expensive.

Does she have medicare or something which would pay for an aide to come in a few times during the week to help out? Night Owl has had her 100 yr old mum living with her, now, for three years. It has been very difficult, partly because her mum is very negative and trying BUT the one thing which has really helped is 2-3 aides who come in at different times of the week to help her mum bathe, wash and set her hair, and shop for groceries, as well as help her cook up a batch of meals for the week. It has been as important for Night Owl to have that support as it has been for her mom. Your sis sounds like a completely different type of person, but still I would recommend aides, even if you go down.

It's a hard thing to learn, sometimes, but, as I am learning once again,w e have to be sure to take care of ourselves, FIRST, before we can care for others. What does your deep down heart/soul *feel* when you contemplate leaving all you have known and built up over the past 22 years?

A wise friend once told me, there is always a third or fourth etc. way. It is never just This or That, Go or Stay...there are some alternatives which may work out...may you feel one of them to be right and go for it! You are a Wise Woman and will figure it out, I know.

luvyakat

FWIW, sometimes I think siblings can be better caregivers/helpers than children, but it depends.:-) Our society still doesn't teach the value of elders, esp. for grandchildren.