Alice,
I think what you have there are old fallout shelter rations. We cleaned out our basements to help with the fire emergency. Check the expiration date....Wait. If it's what I think it is, there is no expiration date. Pass on the biscuits too.

I prefer a whole ad campaign: "Be an extrovert. Drink Squirt!" with the School Band Leader, baton atwirl, with a pimply dweeb in background. Dweeb has coke; leader has Squirt.

"Be an extrovert. Drink Squirt!" with handsome rock musician banging away at an electric guitar (Squirt at his side) and feebie accordian player knocking over his Coke with a rambunctious "Lady Of Spain".

Be an extrovert. Drink Squirt!" with a line of gorgeus male dancers in tuxes doing something romantic while our pimply friend with knobby knees below a badly hung kilt kicks over his Coke while attemting a spastic version of Riverdance.