My grandma: "If ifs an' buts was apples an' nuts, wuddn't old women be stuffin' the'r guts"

Grandma again: "Ahm as old as me tongue an' a little bit older than me teeth"

My dad: "Get thissen 'ackled up reight, lad. Tha's framin' thissen like a be'se'k mole"