It has to be tough to have a sex change and live in a community of people who are not transgender. Even people who want to be accepting, are bound to say things at times that are hurtful. I slipped and said "yes, sir" to a transgender woman once, and the person got angry at me. I hadn't meant any harm, but I was tired and off my guard. Was it a freudian slip, or what? Whatever the case, I said something unintentionally, and the other person was hurt. I suppose I could be condemned for being insensitive, but I had absolutely no intention do cause the hurt. I liked the person, and tried my best to treat her with respect and in a normal manner. But somehow, I slipped.

I think that if you're a minority in any environment, you need to have a protective attitude and a sense of humor. By a protective attitude, I mean that you need to make yourself less vulnerable by thinking that most people mean you well, so you need to accept what they say as something that's favorable to you - even if it could be taken as inimical. You can't expect people to say everything according to your specifications, or you're going to go through life being disappointed.

If you enter an environment with hostility, you are going to encounter hostility.

Does that make sense?

I see this demonstrated all the time at Mudcat. There are some people who come here expecting hostility, and they invariably encounter it. Other people sail through Mudcat without ever encountering a hostile word. If a transgender person wants to live in the wider world, I think that person needs to provide self-protection, by living without expecting hostility. If you go into an environment with the expectation that most people you encounter are wonderful, you will find that most people will treat you as a wonderful person yourself.

-Joe-