From Bodleian Library ballad collection, Firth b.28(5a/b):
London: Richard March & Co., "between 1877 and 1884."


NEVER MARRY YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW.
Music published by Bertini & Co., Marlborough St

1. There's a very old saying as old as the hills,
The truth of which you'll agree:
That while two together is good company,
There's none to be had when there's three.
I once had a charmer, sweet Miss Jones,
But my bliss has proved quite a sell,
For I quickly discover'd I also had wed
My own Jennie's mother as well.

CHORUS: In two there is company, three there is none.
If you would not your happiness flaw,
Just take my advice: when you marry your wife,
Never marry your mother-in-law.

2. Our sweet country days I ne'er shall forget.
The walks and the talks were divine;
So I quickly made up my mind to propose,
And pressed the fair girl to be mine.
She accepted, and all the arrangements complete,
From the church doors I led her my wife.
It has proved the worst step I ever did take,
The worst I e'er took in my life.

3. Our honeymoon over, to town we returned.
Then came to my bliss the first flaw,
For to my surprise, at the doorway I saw
My own darling mother-in-law.
My wife said, "Dear Charlie, you pray must forgive.
I quite meant to mention it, dear.
In order to add to our comfort and joy,
Dear Mother will dwell with us here."

4. From that very day there's been nothing but strife.
I'd rather be single by far;
For my wife will do nothing before, as she says,
She goes and consults dear Mamma.
Mamma can do this. Mamma can do that.
In fact, dear Mamma reigns supreme,
While in my own house I'm a figure of nought.
My mother-in-law is the queen.

5. All single young fellows, just listen to me:
If you e'er think of taking a wife,
Remember it's not for a day or a year,
But 'tis for the whole of your life.
If you want to be happy the whole of your days,
With freedom from all that will bore,
If your mother-in-law wants to marry you too,
Be sure that you fasten the door.