"You can tell a joke in Liverpool and they'll laugh. Tell it in Manchester and they won't"
"Why's that?"
"They can't hear you in Manchester"
It's better when Ken tells it.

My late Mum went to see Doddy at Skegness with a coach load of other older ladies. He's famous for performing for hours and most of the ladies were fast asleep before he finally finished.

"What a great day for sticking a cucumber through a letter box and yelling 'THE ALIENS ARE COMING!'"