The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #59418   Message #2920237
Posted By: Amos
03-Jun-10 - 11:16 PM
Thread Name: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Mom, I celebrate the plumber, stout and burly, who clambered up to our roof today lugging a hundred and twenty pounds of scarred and brutish drain cleaning machine and placed it firmly in its place and made it snarl and spit and chew. From his high vantage point, using sheer will and the sweat of his bulbous muskles, he drove the tip of that shit-eating monster down through the air vent, into the garage drain and along the length of a lateral to the place where he found the Wall of Crud that had backed up our garage sink and kitchen drain. It was a gruesome situation, with foul black bilious waters oozing up into the kitchen sink and filling the laundry sink, but he was undismayed. He sent out fifteen, twenty, thirty feet of sinewy cable and drove his whirling steel tooth deeper and deeper into the muck. He strained and heaved and drove. The house shivered with the grinding clank of his monstrous wild rotary-steel machine, threatening at any minute to break his spell and flail out at him, throwing him from the rooftop or devouring him on the spot. But he held it in his steely gaze and iron grip, and drilled on.

And he conquered that pipe, Mom. He did. A moment came when the six inches of water in the kitchen sink sank and vanished, leaving only a rime of filthy black sludge in its wake. Another moment and the laundry sink, too, succumbed to his stubborn will and gave up its load to the pipes below, gurgling and gasping with resentful exhaustion as it yielded to his greater power.

A short while later he was done, the drains were running free with hot, clear water flushing them to the street and the giant sewer beyond. He beamed with the satisfaction of victory and hauled his slave machine, panting from the exertion, back down the ladder into its cage in the back of his DrainMedic truck.

He sank, exhausted, into our garage chair and laughed the weary laugh of the conqueror, home from battle.

I celebrate this man, who succeeded where others failed before him, and brought home the bacon.

Back when we were in our Youth,
Justice Beauty and the Truth
Was what we thought that Life was all about.
But now that we've aged apace
We have learned that Life is based
On water going in and coming out!

The plumber is the Man,
The plumber is the Man
He's never there until you call
Then he drives out through the night
And he puts your plumbing right,
Oh, the plumber is the man who saves us all!


A.

First Vowel.