Although it was not our fault, we at BP have instructed our subcontractors to make all reasonable efforts to cap the gusher. A close inspection of the satellite photo will reveal that a platform is already being constructed from which to drill a relief well. In addition, we are assembling teams of unemployed fishermen to help with clean-up efforts.

As to thread-relevant issues, it is our opinion that Tarzan would have been no less celibate growing up in a troupe of apes than he would have been growing up in one of the mother country's public schools, as eech ful kno.

Meanwhile, we are keeping the president informed, and we would like to assure the general public that there is no cause for alarm.

Happy motoring,
BP (Bob the Postman)