WS,

My brother is a pretty tough guy whose only fatherly influences were sick, twisted, absent, and abusive. We were all curious how he would do as a dad. Here is what I see, now that his son is eight.

1. No one told Tom and Shannon that babies open their eyes right away. So when Nick didn't, for about three weeks, they didn't know that might be a problem. (Hey! Puppies, kittens, right???? They hadn't known any babies!!!) So they treated Nick as if he were just fine. Which he was, of course. He just had to sleep off the anesthsia from the C-section. If they had fussed at him, oh Lord!

2. Tom started with the idea that Nick is from another place where the customs, although different, are just as good as ours. As his host, Tom decided, it would be up to him to treat his guest well, and to show him the local scene. So his attitude has been: Well, Nick, that's a good way of doing such and such, maybe we should try that. Here is how we do it though, in case you want to know....

3. Tom and Shannon decided they would share as much of the work of parenting as they could. This included taking turns on night feedings-- Tom for all of them on one night so Shannon could get a whole night's sleep, then the next night, switch turns. Nick was colicky. Tom says he really knew he was a dad when he was standing in line at the cash register one night, when he had stopped at the grocery store to pick up a couple of items. You know how that is-- no cart, no basket, becuase it will be just a few items? Well there was Tom, arms loaded full, in line to pay, sorta in gooneyland, tired young dad, when he realized he was standing there swaying from one foot to the other, rocking... the groceries.... to sleep.

4. Once in awhile Tom feels like he is about to do something as a dad that he DOES NOT WANT to do, something from the past he does not want to pass on. He gets whatever help he needs..... advice, a session, prayer, stopping and thinking, etc.

And in closing, I will share what Mr. Kelts Dillman, a parishioner of ours, said on his deathbed last week. Kelts and his family only had about a week to take in and deal with his terminal diagnosis of a surprise cancer the doctors found spread throughout his bones. When Hardi and I went to the hospital to do our thing (and we never know just what that is going to mean), I had time to say just one thing... hmmm, what would it be? I pointed out how wonderful his family was, how they were all taking good care of each other. (So he wouldn't worry about leaving them and die any later than necessary, prolonging the pain out of duty and worry.)

Kelts got his daughter to pull off his oxygen mask to gasp out one sentence in reply, and I have never heard such a distilled statement of how to live, love, and make family. He said: I guess they can pass on all the good I been.

Of course, they already are, have been, that's how this family IS.

May all of us pass on the good each other has been, and nothing less.

Do that, and follow the crazy family advice in the Bible (which only makes any sense after you apply it), and you will have more than two fine sons. You will have.... we will all have... oh you know.

God bless your family, Wesley.

~S~

PS, I was twins. See me in PMs for details.