On the subject of "a face like ..."

A face like a bulldog chewin' wasps A face like a bulldog pissing on a nettle A face like a wet binbag A face you'd never grow tired of slappin'

One of my granny's sayings

"Beauty is only skin deep ... but ugliness goes right to the bone."

A variant on "shit or get off the pot" is a saying my da used to use:

"Die dog, or shite the licence!"

Variants on the "as thick as two short planks" theme:

"There's air getting in." "The lift doesn't go all the way to the top floor." "A few twigs short of a nest" "He doesn't know shite from custard." "He doesn't know whether he's livin' or stuffed." "The lights are on, but nobody's home."