They should use my song about Shatner, set to a tune by the Rolling Stones:

Shatner

Shoop, shadooby, Shatner (2x)
I'm from Star Trek T.O.S.
Which still survives at conferences
Look at me, I'm getting' fatter!
Shoop, shadooby, I'm Bill Shatner.
Shoop, shadooby, Shatner.

Fans are so alarming
My agent's never charming
Life's just a cocktail party at the "con"
Big Hilton
People dressed as Klingons
Giving lectures
About Gene Roddenberry
(Shatner)

Counselor Troi and Doctor Crusher - sexy sexy sexy sexy!
Look at me, I'm getting' fatter!
Shoop shadooby, I'm Bill Shatner!
Shoop, shadooby, Shatner

All this chitter-chatter, chitter-chatter, chitter-chatter 'bout
DS9 and The Enterprise -- I can't give it away at this con
These people need to get a life (shadooby)
Work and work to plug your book
Don't you want my autograph? Ograph ograph ograph ograph!
Does it matter? (shadooby--Shatner) Does it matter?
I'm Shatner.
(Shadooby) -- Shatner.

You got Ferengi in the west ballroom
Ferengi in the break-out session
What a mess this con is in
Uh-huh, this con's full of money grabbers
Go ahead, buy my book! You bunch of [expletive]s!
There's no intelligent life here,
Scotty, beam me up Up UP UP!

Look at me!
(shoop shadooby) I'm Bill Shatner! (etc. repeat and fade)

© Mousethief Etc