SAMSON

         As you know, in Scotland, we have the highest standard of education in the world.
         This is a fact which is universally acknowledged, and admitted as well, in places as far apart as Kirkcaldy and Carnoustie - it's even admitted in Kirkcudbright.  And you know, I am well qualified to talk on this matter because I am the only man in Britain who ever taught English through an interpreter - and one day, there I was dealing with the children, you know, preparing them for their Z levels - when this Inspector came in to see if I was doing my job, you see.
         And he said, 'Mr McGinn, have you been doing your job?'  And Ah says, 'You ask the weans.  Any question you like, you'll see Ah've been daein' ma job.'  So he said to this wee boy, 'I want you to tell me - who was it who put his hands around the pillars and pulled them till the roof of the Temple crushed?'  The wee boy says, 'Look it wisnae me.  Ah was in the hoose a' last night.  Cannae blame me.' So he says, 'What goes, Mr. McGinn?' Ah says -'Well, if wee Jimmy says he didnae dae it -? Naw, a good wee boy he was.  Ah knew him very well.  He widnae tell a lie.
         So - 'Oh,' he says, 'Ah'll have to take this to the Headmaster.' Ah says, 'Ah'll go wae ye tae the Headmaster', ye see?  So we went to the Headmaster and explained tae him.  So the Headmaster, a very decent man, he says, 'Well Mr McGinn's been with us a very long time.  Five weeks easy,' he says,' and he's got a very good understanding of children,' and he says, 'If he thinks the boy didnae dae it-?'
         So he still wisnae satisfied, this man, ye see? So he took it to the Education Committee, Lanarkshire Education Committee, ye see'?  So they, after he'd explained it to them, they locked themselves up wi' a couple of bottles of whisky, in behind, ye know?  And they had a talk about it.  And later the Chairman came out and says to this Inspector, he says, 'Look Mr Inspector,' he says, 'we've discussed this, and talked about it, and deliberated upon it, and everything', he says, 'and if you're prepared to forget all about this, we'll send round two bricklayers in the morning and get the whole thing fixed up.'
 

From "McGinn of the Calton : the life and works of Matt McGinn, 1928-
1977" by Matt McGinn, Pub: Glasgow District Libraries, 1987, © Janette McGinn.