Please, Guest, go to the bullying website soon, rather than waiting for your boss to do the next crazy thing. There are things on that site which can help you now, straight away - even about choosing not to stand up to him about raising his hand to you.

A really useful thing to start doing is to keep a diary - it doesn't have to be complicated or long - to record dates, times, events and words on what your boss is doing to you. Every little bit of information recorded in that diary will help you to see exactly what he is up to and it will also help you to stand your ground. If you can say "On this day at this time you said (or did) this" then your boss will start to get a bit worried because he will know he is under scrutiny and he will start to realise that you are not going to take this kind of treatment.

It will also help if, at any stage, you do decide to take a stand against him through legal or other action. Without the diary you will have trouble proving anything. With the diary you will have a long-term picture of his behaviour. It counts as evidence in a court.

My boss said to me in the mediation session, with a terribly hurt, little boy look, "I don't understand why you took this to the Union" and I said "Because I decided I was not going to take it any more". Even though I lost and he won, that little moment was a victory for me. I had dates, times, places, events, conversations, witnesses etc all written down, so that my side of the story in the mediation session was probably very scary to him. He is a bully because he is not confident of his competence as a manager and decision maker. He picks on strong, competent women, like me.

Helen

Helen