It's ok for buzzing to be dumb. At the moment, I'm not having fun playing and am looking for ways to amuse myself into forgetting that I don't like it.

At 12th, soundhole and bridge, I tried:
crisp dollar
tape
matchbook (I enjoyed Martin Taylor. Thanks, Hamish!)

I gave up on 12th quickly because I don't want harmonics.
Soundhole gave more buzz, but bridge gave clearer tones.
Nothing I tried gave me anything resembling the kazoo-like sound I'm seeking, so I'll keep on poking different things in my strings to see what happens.

Thanks, all!