The Noise Abatement Society has complained that morris bands are frightening the local livestock.

Therefore, morris sides will be obliged to wear earphones which will receive a broadcast from their respective bands playing in soundproofed premises.

Dancers must wear gags, dayglo if preferred, to alleviate spontaneous whoops, shouts etc emanating during the performances.

Also, clogs, staves, coconut shells & bells must be swathed in bubblewrap & polystyrene to maintain silence