Children do not belong to us. They are loaned to us for a while. Letting go is one of the hardest things I ever had to experience. Finding the balance - still showing care, attention and love - while not smothering/controlling your offspring when they are in a different relationship, is hard. I got it wrong a numberr of times. But I must have done a great deal right too. My daughter and I are extremely close (we can spend the day together and then come home and still chat for an hour on the phone). She loves me and I love her. What I needed to learn was to let her make her own mistakes sometimes and not try to shelter her from all possible harm. I was being quite controlling, I look back and see now, but not on purpose.

We often chat about the past few years and how things have turned out. She understand why I was like I was. I understand why she had to do what she did too. She is an individual, just like me, and had to learn some things for herself.

You Son is not lost. Try not to make him choose between love for you and love for his new wife. They are very seperate things. She will not be able to have the part in his heart that is yours. You cannot be in the part of his heart that is hers. Just be there for them and try not to interfere. I found most of my fears and concerns were unwarrented. I did not have to win my daughter back. I never lost her!

I hope it all works out well for you. Just now he is on that "first day at scholl" part of his life again. You loved him enough that day to let him go to school. All you have it do is do it just one more time...

Best luck to you all

mp