Well, hail, ol'ster... I thinks that you half way to Redneckville... Maybe we get together and drag race yer John Deer and my Kabuta, then get drunk afterwards...

I mean, being' a redneck is lotta work... I mean, ya' gotta learnt up some 45 NASCAR race can umbers and be able to put them numbers with the names of the drivers... That ain't easy as it used to be... I mean, they got drivers that folks ain't never heard of... No Fred Lorenzen or Junior Johnson in this bunch, no sir...

So, I'd have to say to anyone thinking of enterin' Redneck Nation without being properly learnt up might as well just go off to Pakistan to get bin Laughin'... But there is hope fir ya'll 'cause ol' bobert gonna offer this one time only offer... Fir a mere sum of ...

...only $999.00 you can enjoy one week livin' in a real life trailer, drenking moonshine everynight, pickin' geetar bewteen watching 24/7 NASCAR an' goin' down to Uncle Bucks an' gettin' in some serious pool playin' and maybe some even more serious fist fightin' with a couple o' other rednecks over somethin' as eartyhly important as the dwell on the ' 63 Chevy 327 motor...

(Spit)

Sign up now and we'll also throw in a $50 gift certificate to Alan's Tatoo joint where Alan is said to the best in the business... Well, that's what the Gray boys say... I donno but I heard he was good tatooin'... Lot better than Sherman Green's that he gave hisseff back in 4th grade where he did this cross and he was lookin' down at his arm at the time an', well... The tatoo is upside down... Think Peter here, upside down...

No matter... Yer gettin' the tatoo with the package so...

...order now and avoid the rush!!!

B:~)