SOMETHIN' HOT IS BREWIN'
(tune: The Fireship)

As I stepped out one evening upon a night's carreer
I spied a brand new coffee shop, and into it I steered
I flagged a passing waitress, and ordered coffee, black,
You can imagine my surprise, when she brought a condom back!

(chorus)It was a dark en-chant-ing brew-ew!
Served daily at "The Pirate"
Latte for two, Blue Mountin' Brew
Or some exotic kind

Oh Mistress, please excuse me for being an ingrate
But I did not just order what you put upon my plate
I am a fine upstanding man, respected in this town
Are you suggesting that we two, might happen to "get on"?

(chorus)

I eyed that girl both up and down, expecting her to blush
Instead she called the manager, who came over in a rush
"Does there seem to be a problem, Sir? Do you need a smaller size?"
The manager, he calmly asked, right before my eyes!

(chorus)

'Twas I who blushed, a deep hot red; From my neck up to my brow.
My respectability'd be shot, if this got around the town.
I muttered something diffident, and sat down like a fool
Prophylactics normally don't come with coffee as a rule

(Chorus)

Sperlonga Beach is popular, with patrons old and new
Who have a cup or maybe more, of the Pirates fine black brew
And if they come in one by one, when the evening it is through
You know they're safe even if they leave, hand in hand, and two by two

(chorus)