Okay, Dan. Take it reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal easy.

Pick up that thing which has one great big and two tubes attached. Keeping the zipper (or buttons) to the FRONT (that's the direction your face is when it's looking straight out from between your shoulders -- you might want to get help with this), carefully slide one leg into each tube. If the zipper (or buttons) end up in the back, start over and change the tubes you put your legs into. Now fasten the big opening closed (your body will be in the middle of it) and pull the zipper up (or button the buttons).

Congratulations! You've put on your pants all by yourself!

Practice this several times today and tomorrow we'll work on putting on your SHIRT!