The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #107581   Message #2951913
Posted By: dick greenhaus
25-Jul-10 - 01:15 PM
Thread Name: Lyr Req: The Trouble with Women (O Nash/K Weil)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
Nash apparently was fond of the title.
Hence:

THE TROUBLE WITH WOMEN IS MEN

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches
          the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus,
Particularly on those occasions when between the humidity and
          the mosquitoes your own bed is no longer in bed, but
          an insomnibus,
And if you turn on the light for a little reading he is sensitive to
          the faintest gleam,
But if by any chance you are asleep and he wakeful, he is not slow
          to rouse you with complaint that he cant close his eyes,
          what about slipping downstairs and freezing him a cooling
          dish of pistachio ice cream.
His touch with a bottle opener is sure,
But he cannot help you get a tight dress over your head without
          catching three hooks and a button in your coiffure.
Nor can he so much as wash his ears without leaving an inch of
          water on the bathroom linoleum,
But if you mention it you evoke not a promise to splash no more
          but a mood of deep melancholium.
Indeed, each time he transgresses your chance of correcting his
          faults grows lesser,
Because he produces either a maddeningly logical explanation or
          a look of martyrdom which leaves you instead of him
          feeling the remorse of the transgressor.
Such are husbandly foibles, but there are moments when a foible
          ceases to be foible.
Next time you ask for a glass of water and when he brings it you
          have a needle almost threaded and instead of setting it down
          he stands there holding it out to you, just kick him fairly hard
          in the stomach, you will find it thoroughly enjoible.

~ Ogden Nash