The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #107581 Message #2951913
Posted By: dick greenhaus
25-Jul-10 - 01:15 PM
Thread Name: Lyr Req: The Trouble with Women (O Nash/K Weil)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
Nash apparently was fond of the title.
Hence:
THE TROUBLE WITH WOMEN IS MEN
A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches
the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus,
Particularly on those occasions when between the humidity and
the mosquitoes your own bed is no longer in bed, but
an insomnibus,
And if you turn on the light for a little reading he is sensitive to
the faintest gleam,
But if by any chance you are asleep and he wakeful, he is not slow
to rouse you with complaint that he cant close his eyes,
what about slipping downstairs and freezing him a cooling
dish of pistachio ice cream.
His touch with a bottle opener is sure,
But he cannot help you get a tight dress over your head without
catching three hooks and a button in your coiffure.
Nor can he so much as wash his ears without leaving an inch of
water on the bathroom linoleum,
But if you mention it you evoke not a promise to splash no more
but a mood of deep melancholium.
Indeed, each time he transgresses your chance of correcting his
faults grows lesser,
Because he produces either a maddeningly logical explanation or
a look of martyrdom which leaves you instead of him
feeling the remorse of the transgressor.
Such are husbandly foibles, but there are moments when a foible
ceases to be foible.
Next time you ask for a glass of water and when he brings it you
have a needle almost threaded and instead of setting it down
he stands there holding it out to you, just kick him fairly hard
in the stomach, you will find it thoroughly enjoible.
~ Ogden Nash