Pfa! Here, Mom. Have some home-made Southwest corn bread! I evolved the corn just for you to that it would be as sweet as you are; I created the baking soda in the lab so it's as pure as your thoughts; the buttermilk is from the butter I churned just for the cornbread and is taken from the milk of a strain of cows I made and raised just for this moment and they were fed upon the finest and sweetest grasses I could collect from the entire West, and I mined and smelted to ore to hand-forge the cast-iron skillet in which it was made. The wooden trencher it's served upon is from an American Chestnut I grew and tended from a seedling and it happily gave its life when it found out what I needed the wood for: a dish for your special corn bread. And have a nice cup of tea; I developed this strain in the mountains of Sri Lanka just for you. Of course the honey was made only from the finest orange blossoms (I picked the unacceptable ones off) by bees who did their work with a smile because it was for you, Mom.

I hope you like it.