Nobody mentioned MacArthur yet!


The Day McArthur Farted.

Back in Donga country there's a tale the old folks tell
Of a man whose name is famous in the town of Bungadell.
And if ya like, I'll tell you all about this little town.
It's a dry and dusty place, until the rain comes down.

Back in 1927, it hadn't rained for weeks.
There was bull-dust in the billabongs and dead sheep in the creeks.
But the hero of our story was soon to help them out
On the day McArthur farted, and saved the town from drought.

Now, no one knew too much about this joker from the scrub
We'd heard some yarns about him from the Drovers in the pub
Some said he came from Bunker's Run and some from Beula's Park
But the one thing that they all agreed - he sure knew how to fart.

Now Bungadell was dry and hard like a three week stale old crust
The sheep were drinking whisky but were only pissing dust
We had a dam upside the hill, a mile out of town
That should have filled the water tanks, but not a drop come down.

So we sent a deputation there to see what could be wrong
And found we had a problem that we hadn't counted on
Old Bert's dead horse was blocking off the exit to the dam
You think that we could shift it? Na, the bloody thing was jammed.

Fifty blokes with crowbars struggled fifty days and nights
But couldn't shift the bastard, it was stuck there good and tight
The dam was full of water but we couldn't get it out
'Til the day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought.

We blasted it with dynamite and couldn't get it loose
And even Murphy's bullock team wasn't any use.
"There's only one last chance!" said Clancy's brother Blue
"We'll have to get McArthur -- see what he can do!"

Well, the cry went up "McArthur!! He's the one who knows the art
He'll send that dead horse flying with a well-constructed fart!"
The people waited eagerly for the day to come about
The day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought.

Well, at last McArthur came and the people gathered 'round
To see the man whose fart was gonna send the waters down
He came on two big horses, with half his bum on each
A bum so wide a man could drive a tram between his cheeks.

Now, McArthur was a quiet man, but thorough, through and through
He said "I'll need some food and drinks, so see what you can do"
So we made the preparations, we made a mighty spread
Fifty tons of onions, and piles of prunes and bread.

Fifty tons of blue veined cheese and fifty kegs of stout
The day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought
He sat back with a knife and fork and really knocked it back
He polished off those kegs of stout in twenty seconds flat.

McArthur got up slowly, then he turned his bum around
And the people drove for shelter as they heard a dreadful sound
A roaring like a lion, and a chill ran through their hearts
As McArthur's body trembled and let off some mighty farts!

He farted and he farted till the earth began to shake
The ills began to tremble and the dams began to break
And still McArthur farted till he made the thunder crack
The winds, they howled, the lightning flared, the skies were turning black

They heard it up in China, where the up-side-downers dwell
They heard it up in Heaven and they heard it down in hell
I hardly need to tell ya, it was really on the snout
On the day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought.

Well that's how McArthur saved the day back there in Bungadell
And still his memory lingers on (and so too does the smell)
Even across in Adelaide, they've heard about his art
And every other year they hold a Festival of Farts!!