The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #16544   Message #2966578
Posted By: Jim Dixon
16-Aug-10 - 03:34 PM
Thread Name: Lyr Req: Danny Kaye Songs
In the sound-track listing for the film "Up in Arms" (1944) at there is this:

* "Theater Lobby Number"
Written by Sylvia Fine and Max Liebman
Performed by Danny Kaye

(Sylvia Fine was married to Danny Kaye.)

On several albums, this is called LOBBY NUMBER (MANIC DEPRESSIVE PRESENTS). At, it is called LOBBY NUMBER (FR UP IN ARMS).

You can hear the whole song at YouTube, where it is called MANIC DEPRESSIVE FROM UP IN ARMS. Here is my transcription:

Manic Depressive Pictures presents (lion roar)
"Hello, Fresno, Goodbye"
Produced by R. U. Manic
And directed by Depressive
Now you know the name of the picture and you'd like to see it—
But no!
Screenplay by Gluck, from a stage play by Musk,
From a story by Blip, from a chapter by Ronk,
From a sentence by Doaks, from a comma by Stokes,
From an idea by Groaks, based on Joe Miller's Jokes.
Now you know the name of the picture and who wrote it,
And you'd still like to see it, hm?
But no!
Art direction, Finkelfluffen
Theory, S Minerva
Photography, Alonzo Teck
Recorded sound by Needle...
Upholstery by Zachary
Knick-knackery by Thackeray
Terpsichore by Dickery
And Dickery by Doc.
Now finally, finally at last comes the picture,
And what do we see?
The same old beautiful chorus girls!
The opening scene is a ranch in Fresno, California.
So what are they singing?
"When it's cherry-blossom time in Orange, New Jersey,
We'll make a peach of a pair.
I know we cantaloupe, so honeydew be mine,
And if—"
Up from the gulch rides a hunk of man.
He is our hero, cowboy Dan,
A gallopin' yodelin' buckaroo.
His horse, of course, is a baritone, too.
"I've got them old wagon-wheels inside of me. Yeooh-hoo-hoo!
I've got that old cactus in the hide of me. Yeooh-hoo-hoo!
I've got that yeooh-hoo-hoo!"
The girls are delighted to hear this,
But where is our heroine?
As the bell rings for lunch,
We find our heroine in the corral, eating her heart out.
She is Mary Schwann,
Tap-dancing daughter of an American ...
Who left her on the doorstep of an old English castle,
Where she was found by Sir Basil Metabolism, who said:
"By Jove, a girl baby! I shall raise her as me own daughter."
Which he did.
But she wants to tap-dance,
And cowboy Dan, whom she met on the strip—
And it was love at first sight—
Wants to marry her so she can tap-dance,
But she knows Sir Basil will never permit this,
Never, never, never! (Crying sounds.)
That's why she's eating her heart out,
But through her tears, she is singing a happy little song,
Because she is also a coloratura soprano.
(Gibberish singing in the style of a coloratura soprano.)
She is beside herself, her favorite position.
"Oh, father, you must let me marry Cowboy Dan.
He owns the biggest ranch in Texas: Bar None."
"Bar none? That's the password of the FBI!"
It can't be!
No-no, yes-yes, no-no, yes-yes,
No-no, yes-yes, No-no, yes-yes,
It can't be, but it was!
He rushes to Mary Schwann.
"Mary Schwann, you must help me out.
Can you tap out a message in code?"
This is her big chance. Now she can tap-dance, which she does.
But what has she done? She has betrayed her own father.
But he isn't her father.
He is Heinrich Von Schloopen Von—(German gibberish)—
A dangerous German spy.
"Stick up your hands, you dirty rat."
The FBI finally catches the German spy.
Dan and Mary are about to blend.
You think the picture's about to end—
But no!
Who ever heard of a musical picture without Carmelita Pepita,
The Bolivian bomb-a-shell?
"I wish you would come with me to my little village in Bolivia.
So peaceful there with the purple mountains, the lovely ...
And the shining stars,
And the little people who live so simple and quiet,
And every night all they want to do is—"
"Grab a partner, swing away ... Orange a day.
Grab her by the teeth and swing her by the hair,
And you will make a peach of a pair."
So here we are back in Fresno, California,
And this is where you came in,
But do not fret, my friends.
This is a picture that ends in the middle
For the benefit of the people who came in, in the middle.
This, this is the end!