McDougal Street in Sudbury:

A couple of O.P.P. officers are standing at the back of a large garbage truck and gazing into its interior with obvious distaste. A foul smell is emanating from the vile masses of compacted garbage within the truck's containment chamber.

"All they were able to get so far was one of his work boots," says Officer Dale. "It musta fallen off when he went headfirst into the compactor, but the rest of him has been mashed in there with all the garbage. I don't envy the poor bastards who have to separate out the remains."

"I wouldn't give a dog that job," says Officer McCann. "Why would the silly bastard run into a garbage compactor anyway? You think he was tryin' to commit suicide?"

"Naw....he was just too stupid to notice where he was goin'," laughs Dale. "Trust me. I have dealt with this idiot before a few times. He takes stupidity to a whole new level. The amazing thing is that he lived THIS long, not that he ran into this compactor and got himself squashed."

"Yeah, I've heard plenty of stories about him too. Well, he ain't goin' nowhere now. I say we go get something to eat. There's a Timmies right around the corner."

"Good idea. Let's go."

The two cops were only gone for about five minutes, but when they returned, happily munching donuts and drinking Tim Horton's coffee, they were astonished to find that the entire contents of the garbage truck had vanished into thin air. Not only that...there weren't even any old dirt stains on the inside of the truck or anything at all to be seen there. Not a speck of dust or a drop of unidentifiable crud. Not one atom of garbage. The inside of that truck was as clean as it had been the day it rolled off the assembly line at the factory, although you could of course see the places where the paint job had been scraped and abraided since then...just no dirt on it, that's all.

They stood with their mouths hanging open for a long, slow count. You could have heard a pin drop.