Another version, found at another forum:


BUGGERED

For forty long years I've been buggered
With all sorts of horrible pains.
I've had every ailment I reckon
From rupture to varicose veins.

Neuritis with me is a hobby.
I've bloody great corns on my feet,
And I seem to breed stones in my bladder
Like bloody great lumps of concrete.

I've a sciatic nerve that's a bastard,
And I'm told I have a valvular heart,
And I strain like a bloody Namek*
Before I can squeeze out a fart.

Rheumatics and gout in my fingers
Have made them all horrible shapes,
And the piles I've got in my arsehole
Hang down like bunches of grapes.

I've spent a fortune on chemists
And laid a month on hospital beds,
And the stuff I've taken to shift them
Has torn my arsehole to shreds.

Uric acid they say is trouble,
And I don't mind telling you this:
I have to whistle the 'Last Rose of Summer'
To coax my poor 'Super saiyajin'* to piss.

I can't even sleep with Bulma*.
My tool's as limp as a rag
And draws itself up in my belly
If anyone mentions a shag.

For forty long years I've been buggered.
There's never a day I've been fit.
I take 22 lbs of dynamite
Before I can bloody well shit.

Now my time is spent in the shit house
Or moaning and groaning in bed,
And my 'pals' simply say when they're passing,
"It's time that bastard Prince* was dead."


[* These seem to be jargon words from the world of Manga/Anime. I suspect they were inserted by the person who posted this as a sort of inside joke.]