Dear Comrade Mousethief,

The Revolutionary Marxist-Leninist Official Provisional Continuity Fifth International Chinese Socialist Party (North West Cheshire (UK) Branch) is pleased to award you the Most Noble Medal of the Order of the Golden Cow Chip.

I am authorised to inform you that the Central Committee was unanimous in its decision (regrettably all the other members have defected to the Sixth International Socialist Party at the Rose & Crown pub where the execrable capitalist beer is served in imperialist measures).

If you are willing to accept this award, please forward your bank account details to my accountant at the First National Nigerian Bank of Lagos.

Your most humble servant,

Matthew Edwards