We're back this evening after going to the church for the visitation, and then Moonglow and I went out to dinner. There is so much to consider, but we didn't talk straight Deanna the whole time - you need to pace yourself. I wanted her to understand that because her friend is gone, there is a role her friends can play, if they wish, in keeping her alive. Donations or good works in her honor, but also, learning from the many aspects of her life (not just her death). If Moonglow ever becomes a writer or playwright, for example, there are things to be learned from Deanna's life, her experiences, the things they shared, that can be explored in creative works. I had a friend who died 20 years ago now who I still think about, who I would love to write about in a fictional way to explore the possibilities she couldn't, but to also examine her life as it was lived, cramped by no support from her ex-husband as she raised four children by herself. She had dreams that went almost totally unmet. With a couple of brief and notable exceptions.

It was as expected at the viewing. We spoke with her brother, who is a friend of my son's. We talked and we listened and we shared. We laughed - something you don't think about at these things, but this is when you share the good stories about your loved one. And when we walked up to her mother, all I could do was offer my daughter, one of her daughter's best friends, for a great big long teary hug, and I gripped her hands to let her know I was there also.
What I was able to share with her Mom that was unique, and I hope one of us can find, is that years ago Deanna wrote a poem for her mother, after an early kind of haphazard attempt at suicide. She recognized the grief she caused her mother, and apologized. I read this on her blog, and told her I thought it was beautiful and she should share it, but I doubt she did. I gave her mom a time frame to search in, and suggested that this seemed to me like Deanna writing for her future self, to her mother at this point in time.

Okay, enough of this tonight. We have the funeral tomorrow afternoon, but until then, we'll putter around the house. Moonglow has a head cold so has adjourned to her bedroom for the night with her net device, and, having wormed my NetFlix account and password out of me, is planning to see if she can stream programs or movies. This means I'll probably have to subscribe for three movies, so I'm sure each of us can watch online without upsetting the way that system works. Until now she never asked.

This is a pretty cluttered message for a decluttering thread. I have had enough, I'm off to sleep. I don't have to move my bed tonight - there's someone else sleeping in the house. :)

SRS