I'm a Nuclear Missile Launch Officer ... and I'm soooo bored! I suppose that the 'babies' in the silo might come in 'useful' one day - but not much action at the moment.

What shall I do today? I suppose that I ought to go and count them again - but first, I think I'll make myself a cup of coffee.

Right, one, two, three ... twenty nine, thirty. Yes, they're all there. But what's this? That damn Engineering Officer has got oily fingerprints all over number 17's warhead. Better climb up these step- ladders and polish it. Whoops! Damn - I've spilt coffee in the air inlet ... what am I going to do? I know I'll ring Tony, over in England; he'll know what to do.

"Hi Tony - it's Bob."

"Hi, Bob - what can I do for you?"

"I've just spilt coffee in number 17's air inlet - I think it's f***ed."

"Weird coincidence, Bob - I was just 'inspecting' our number 28 yesterday, and I thought that the nuclear flange bracket looked to be a bit out of alignment."

"So what did you do, Tony."

"I hit it with a hammer and it snapped off - I knew that I shouldn't have done any such thing - but I was soooo bored."

"Yeah - I know how you feel, Tony!"

"So, what are we going to do?"

Pause ...

"It's a bit off a long shot, Bob ... but do you think the 'brass hats' will believe there's a plague of UFOs which hover over nuclear missile bases and damage the 'birds' with mysterious rays ...?