I am a poor black bear, my story is sad.
For I have always been generous and gave what I had,
I've tried to be helpful, and not act too posh,
'Til the day I was ruined by a zucchini squash.

The story's a strange one, i am sure you'll agree,
I was minding me business and rambling quite free
In the hills of Missoula, where the air is so clear
When a mating call reached me, and struck my heart queer!

Oh, I've mated before, for I am not a sprat,
But I never had heard such a sweet call as that!
It was faint, it was high, floating down through the night
And my soul, it responded, like a moth to the light!

So I trundled and barged through the high piny hills,
And the call it continued, still giving me chills!
And at last to a clearing I followed it down
And I could not believe what a shock there I found!

For there in the clearing, a humanoid home
And a foolish domestic dog, chewing a bone
And whimpering loudly his stomach;s delight!
And this was the lure I had heard in the night!

Oh wicked deception, to so cruely deceive!
Such callous betrayal, could not be believed!
ANd my dreams of bear rollicks, they vanished like mist!
And you'll understand why I was terribly pissed!!

For a she-bear's flirtatious, a she-bear's a tease
And we learn how to deal with such antics as these,
But it's all too insulting, when your dreams turn to smog
Because of the whimpers of an uppity dog!!

Swept up in my anger, my wrath to expunge
To bite of that young collie's head I did lunge,
But a scream of defiance it soon split my ears
From a humanoid woman who was hovering near!

A curse on such wenches, they deserve to be crushed!
For disturbing the course of a black bear in lust!
And crush her I would have, and left her for dead,
Except for the missile she lobbed at my head!

Confusion and pain from a dog and a squash!
And a little old lady!! Such terrible tosh!
If this tale in the forest was to circulate round,
My repute would be ruined! I'd be run out of town!

In fury and pain, my erection disbanded
And my eyebrow a-bleeding where the zucchini landed
And in fear for my name in the black-bear community,
I fed for the deep woods, and prayed for impunity!

So listen, you black bears, take warning from this
And learn who it is first that offers the kiss!
Or you'll end up betrayed by deception and bosh,
And a screaming damned human, and a zucchini squash!!