Some great contributions here; a plaintive tribute to the Native American traditions by the noble Sir Mousethief, and the welcome return of guest Ceto and an ode to Sir Paul's vegetarian principles. Frank Zappa himself couldn't have called any vegetable to any greater deed than to lay down its life in protection of a lady and her dog.

The Black Bear and the Zucchini

There was a black bear who lived in the woods;
Hi ho ransom diddy dum
He coveted some of his neighbours' goods.
Raddledee umbo dairy

The bear wooed his neighbour's twelve year old collie;
Hi ho ransom diddy dum
And he swore he would have her by gosh and by golly.
Raddledee umbo dairy

Now the bear loved the dog with devotion and ardour;
Hi ho ransom diddy dum
At the sight of the collie his passion grew harder.
Raddledee umbo dairy

Now a bear and a dog it isn't like Disney;
Hi ho ransom diddy dum
For the combination can be rather grisly.
Raddledee umbo dairy

But the neighbour's wife (whom the bear didn't covet);
Hi ho ransom diddy dum
Graphically told the bear where to shove it.
Raddledee umbo dairy

The bear rose up, a two-hundred pound meanie,
Hi ho ransom diddy dum
While she brandished at him a twelve-inch zucchini.
Raddledee umbo dairy

(It may be peculiar to the town of Missoula;
Hi ho ransom diddy dum
That a one-foot courgette is a real passion cooler.)
Raddledee umbo dairy

She threw the squash straight at the bear's head;
Hi ho ransom diddy dum
And the bear he took to his heels and he fled.
Raddledee umbo dairy

The bear retreated over the hill;
Hi ho ransom diddy dum
And if he isn't dead yet then he's living there still.
Raddledee umbo dairy

If you want any more of this ludicrous tale;
Hi ho ransom diddy dum
You must buy me another flagon of ale.
Raddledee umbo dairy


Matthew Edwards

I humbly apologise to the memory of Cecilia Costello whose delightful version of the tale of 'The Frog and the Mouse' inspired the lines above.