The thing is that I DON'T know what I need to do. The feeling is very much like what I imagine a deer in headlights feels like..where do I go? What happened?

I have been to the local dr. a few times with things that didn't feel right and she just looks at me and tells me things are fine. The Dr. that initally got the ball rolling in December with all the cancer stuff has retired and so I go to the same clinic but I'm not feeling it with this woman. She's very nice but I think because I've been two or three times and it turned up as nothing that she thinks I'm a hypocondriac or something. I hesitate to call her about this because I don't want to be that patient who becomes the one that they no longer believe. If you cry wolf too many times....you get the idea.

Pete reminds me that I have no idea of the incisions made beneath my giant scar, that there is likely some scar tissue, that the baby jumps on my belly sometimes, that Jeremiah does kick my belly sometimes, etc.

It just scares me and I really do NOT know what to do with it. I think the smartest thing would be to call the oncologist as I've told him before about belly pain and he always checks it without question or eye raising. My numbers were the best they've ever been at my last checkup. I practically begged to have them do my numbers once a month but was told that if something was to develop, it would not develop a horrible, untreatable something in the matter of 2 months. I have my doubts about that but my oncologists haven't been wrong about ANYTHING yet. They knew the day my hair would start coming out, they said cancer was *ho-hum* (I can't believe that ANY cancer is HO-HUM to anyone hearing that diagnosis) and my surgeon who was so skittish about saying if I would be ok finally did say not too long ago...you are going to be just fine. I trust this man beyond words and I just need to make peace with it somehow. Both of my oncologists say that the people who do the best are the ones who can say, yep...that was a bump in the road and they keep going. I try very hard to do that....but sometimes that's much harder than it sounds.   

In any case, I am getting myself and Jeremiah out of the house...sometimes that helps a great deal and we have some errands to run anyway.

Michelle