And another one from my Great-Uncle Phil Tyrer who was a clipper ship captain, sailing out of Liverpool.

On one of his voyages he decided to play a trick on his crew who had been giving him a hard time.

I made the story into this song.

THE CAPTAIN'S RAZOR
Robin Madge © 1999

The voyage had been long and the voyage had been hard
The crew they were an idle lot, the dregs of the dockyard,
But the captain was a joker with some tricks up his sleeve.
He called them all together his plan to achieve.
"Well", said the Captain, "We'll soon be home from sea,
And I have a pretty girl waiting there for me.
I've learnt from experience, if I want her to behave,
Before I get back home to port I'm going to have to shave."

Ch: "Now", said the Captain, "don't you see,
Won't we be the handsome ones when we come home from sea ?
Cleanly shaven, we'll all look grand.
The girls will flock around us when we reach land."

"Now here I have my razor, it's the only one on board,
I've a mind to share it with you but this idea is flawed
The last to use the razor find it awful dull
He might as well use barnacles scraped from off the hull."
"But now I have a better plan, we form up in a row
The first man shaves off half his face his silken skin to show.
We pass the razor down the line each shaving half his mane,
Then pass it back along again and do it all again."

"Now this way," says the Captain, "we all shall have a time
With the razor when it's sharpest and when it's not so fine,
But seeing as the razor's mine I want to be in place
To be the one who's first to shave his whole beard from his face."
The crew they all agreed to this and formed up in a line,
Each one shaved off half his beard, the razor still cut fine.
They looked a proper picture then, each one partly sheared
The captain had the razor back and shaved off all his beard

"Well now my lads I've got you, and I think you'll all agree
For being such an idle lot I've paid you back, you see.
I am now clean shaven, you're a half shorn horde."
With that he took the razor and he tossed it overboard.
The Captain laughed aloud when they realised his fun.
"Now when we get to port, my boys, and all your work is done.
I'll go and buy a razor so the sooner you behave
And finish all your work on board the sooner you can shave."